Stuff and Nonsense


3.23.2020

Walkies at the End of the World

Like many at home during the 2020 COVID-19 pandemic, I've taken to walking around the quiet neighborhoods of my new city, trying to soothe my anxious mind with fresh air and green things. Here in Connecticut, Winter 2020 felt like the winter that never was. Temperatures only dipped below freezing a handful of times and snowfall was below normal. Still, it is wonderful to finally see the spring bulbs and shrubs bursting into bloom.

Forsythia

Galanthus

Scilla

3.20.2020

My Library Is Closing & I Can't Stop Thinking About My To-Do List

Anxiety Denoument
Mccxlvv / CC BY-SA

My library will close to staff at 8 am Monday. This is a good, sensible decision and I will be paid for the duration (unions, hooray) I am at home. Can't I be happy? Why can't I be happy?

Because half the local history room is currently spread around the mezzanine in carts and the prohibition on working means my inability to restore everything to rights is like a mental itch I can’t scratch. I can feel myself feeling anxious about the room’s door being left open indefinitely.

Planning and organization, those are two of the tools that allow me to live with Anxiety Brain in this mad, bad civilization of ours. Where once planning was a terrible side effect of Anxiety Brown (I constantly planned for every eventuality without even realizing I did), planning linked with organization helps me to live a life largely unencumbered by unnecessary anxieties. (Meds also help).

But now, the open door. The partially cleaned shelves. The sticky notes. None of it can be dealt with for (what will hopefully only be) weeks. I had a plan. I was organized in my approach to completing it, but my timeline shifted abruptly, making it impossible to complete the plan. Now Anxiety Brain is fretting.

When Anxiety Brain frets about a thing, it starts to notice other things to fret about and then all the fretting comes together like layers of nacre on a grain of sand to make a terrible, irregular pearl of ugh that just rattles away in my brain. It’s not a fun time.

I’m going to need to meditate on this. Maybe, attempt to distract my brain with plans for the garden. And, of course, discuss tweaking my meds.

3.14.2020

Caturday: Lolly, Lolly, Lolly


Happy Caturday! Say hello to Lolly, our senior adoption. Lolly has been in our life for a little over a week now and is settling in quite nicely. Sometimes she gets a bit disgruntled with us and the claws come out, but Lolly is still doing a lot better than I thought she might considering the caution with which Protectors of Animals presented her to us.

Lolly was quite unhappy when we met her at the shelter. Six years ago, kitten Lolly was by an older man who let her be the queen of his castle. Then he passed away at Christmas, thrusting Lolly into a confusing world of strange people and strange cats. Understandably, Lolly didn't take kindly to the change and became an unhappy, defensive cat. She needed a quiet, cat-free home with people who would give her lots of attention and love, but gently and calmly. And so she has come to us.

Lolly relaxed quite a lot that first weekend. Sure, she was suspicious of every noise and would regularly pace the house to make sure there weren't any other cats hidden somewhere, but she let us pet her a bit and even came up on the bed for snuggles. Then, as Lolly realized she was indeed the only cat and we were big softies, she began to revert a bit to unhappy cat behavior, pushing at the edges of permissible behavior. We did not rise to her challenges and she's since moved on to being an extremely soft, loudly purring (mostly) chill kitty.

For me, anyway. My beloved insists Lolly loves me more and actively ignores him when I am at work ...