Stuff and Nonsense: musings

Showing posts with label musings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label musings. Show all posts


On feeling relief my mother died before COVID

I've been thinking about my mother’s death quite a bit lately. Some days the sight of any little old lady brings a jolt of grief to my heart. I miss her deeply and yet I am also grateful she died.

My mother would not have survived COVID.

The thought of her suffering, dying alone, sedated and on a ventilator, just breaks me. That solitary death is, I think, the cruelest thing about COVID.

The knowledge Mom died quickly, over a matter of hours, in the presence of family (even if I wasn’t there with her) gives me comfort.

That’s not something I should admit to, surely. I cannot say, to someone who asks how I’m coping with the pandemic, “I’m relieved my mom died two years ago.” Yet that is exactly how I feel.


Walkies at the End of the World

Like many at home during the 2020 COVID-19 pandemic, I've taken to walking around the quiet neighborhoods of my new city, trying to soothe my anxious mind with fresh air and green things. Here in Connecticut, Winter 2020 felt like the winter that never was. Temperatures only dipped below freezing a handful of times and snowfall was below normal. Instead, everything was gray, gray, gray all the time as if winter was somehow stuck on pause. It is wonderful to finally see the spring bulbs and shrubs bursting into bloom.